Happiness Is An Inside Job

A few years ago a divorce lawyer submitted that most divorces result from romanticized expectations. Jack thinks that being married to Jill will be utter bliss. He calls her “Angel” and “Sweetie”. She is all he will ever need. He sings her the romantic lyrics of loves songs. Then, shortly after the wedding bells have become an echo, the truth sets in: There are unpleasant moods, weight gains, burned dinners, hair curlers, occasional bad breath and body odors. He silently wonders how he ever got into this. He secretly thinks she has deceived him. He had gambled his happiness on “Angel Face” and has apparently lost.
.

On the other side, before marriage Jill’s heart beats a little faster whenever she thinks of Jack. It will be such heaven to be married to him. “Just Jackie and me and baby makes three. . . in my Blue Heaven.” Then there are clothes left lying only in chorological order, his addiction to sports events on television, minor but painful insensitivities. Her knight in shining armor has turned out to be a “one-man slum.” The top of the toothpaste tube is missing. The doorknob he promised to fix still comes off in her hand. Jill cries a lot, starts looking up “marriage counselors” in the yellow pages. Jack carried her off gallantly into the sunset. From then on it was all darkness.

I once saw a cartoon of a huge woman standing over her diminutive, seated husband, demanding. “Make me happy!” It was a cartoon. It was meant for laughter. It was a distortion of reality. And that’s why it was funny. No one can make us truly happy or truly unhappy. When will we learn that? Marriage was never designed to make you or anyone else happy. Therefore your unhappiness is no reason to end a lifetime of commitment. Happiness is icing on the cake.

As I have said for years, it is not love that keeps a marriage together; it is commitment. Love, as an emotion, ebbs and flows over time. There are only so many moonlit nights to go around. Sickness, heartache, brokenness, disease, aging and adversity all work against romantic love, but those same struggles are able to strengthen commitment.

All of this bad news underscores the destructive power or sin. Since the mudslide of sin began in Genesis 3, all marriages have strained against sin’s wrecking influence. Strife, abuse, deception, low self-esteem, selfishness and immorality – throw all those into the marriage mix, and there’s no wonder we need God’s power to survive. The good news is this: There is hope in Christ for getting through tough stuff, no matter where you find yourself in the cycle.